Dear God, Allah, Buddah, Krishna, or Clotho. With all due respect kindly fuck off.

I finally have some peace of mind, some happiness and it gets taken away from me. Honestly, at this point, I'm close to saying fuck it all. Is there something really good coming to me in life once all this damn Kharma blows over? Am I just doomed to be fucked in the ass for the rest of my life?

I know he needed time. So did I, So did this damn relationship.

Well fuck this. Fuck what I did last night, Fuck it all. Relationships can piss on my grave for all I care right about now. I was stupid for sleeping with him last night and I just might now pay the price for it. Hell, I give, I can't handle this bullshit anymore.

Debating going to the Maritime Festival, much as I'd love to volunteer...don't want to make shit akward, because that always seems to happen with me.I might just put on my false face and enjoy my day.

It's kinda funny how well my body's gotten used to changing, he accidentally hit my knee, and leaned over to hug me with his one arm. Immediatley, I felt my entire body go numb, I went into shock for about 10 seconds as he tried to pull me closer. I'm pretty sure he got the hint after I didn't lean in towards him since he backed off.

To make matters worse I lost Billy today as well. Heh, I told him he obviously can't handle just being friends, and he keeps saying "I should go", so I told him then go.

I need to take my knives over to my friends, or I'll do something bad

Serisouly....Im going to eat my sugar now..fuck my blood levels, fuck my health...just...fuck it...I'm going to enjoy killing myself for th day.

fuck. my. life.

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

1. First Name: Margaret

2. Age: 22 sun circles

3. Location: Chicago

4. Occupation: 2-3 hours a week tutoring  the children of a Mafia family

5. Partner: currently single, broke my engagement.

6. Kids: one of these millenia but not now

8. Pets: three dogs, a chihuahua, a pom and a foster Shitzu

9. Parents: separated, would be divorced if my father would have signed the papers last year.

10. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:

• learning to deal with the fact that I ended a 4 years relationship, 3 of those years were spent being engaged. It was done for good reasons but still causes heartache
• trying to get into pharmacy or medical school...I have a need for pain
• trying to find my place in life, still growing, and ever evolving.
• trying to lower my blood sugar, which probabaly is not helped by number one

I took the MCAT, it was brutal, but at hte same time not as bad as I was led to believe. all I can do now is hope for the best for applying to all my colleges that are piling up on hte list of ever growing places. So far, I've got places in New York, Pensylvania, Iowa, Ohio, Indiana, the list goes on. I'm also retaking the PCAT in 2 months and am not looking forward to that hellish fiasco again, but nothing can be done, it must be taken.

School starts in the morning. Yet another failed attempt at getting into UIC, oh well, just keeping treking on.


Gen Con was amazing, I had a blast and loved evyer bit of it. I will get the pictures up on facebook as soon as I can. I have never had so much fun in 4 days as I did there, I'm planning to return already

I have started looking into going to Scotland next year. It's a definite thing, not just a dream now. However I'm looking for deals and uch close to the time to see if I can dampen the harsh shock of 2 grand *sigh*. We're spending a lot of it in Scotland but also going to Ireland, England, and France. I have friends in both Scotland and England, so that helps with hotel bills.

Corset work is coming along. Almost done with my friends corset and then onto working over other things. I'm starting to work on my own pattern for jean, which is going to take me a good year to perfect but will be worth eveyr penny when it's done.

And now, some sleep

Pharmacy school I'm sending my scores to :


Butler Univ-Indianapolis, Indianapolis    

 Chicago State University, Chicago

Drake Univ-Des Moines, Des Moines    

Midwestern Univ-Chicgo Coll of Phar, Downers

Purdue Univ-Lafayette, West Lafayette    

Touro College-New York , New York    

Univ of IA-Iowa City, Iowa City    

Univ of Il-Chicago, Chicago    

Long Island Univ-Brooklyn , Brooklyn

all my fellow chicagoans....don't hate me, new york has good schools.


Price.....$270



MCAT to be taken twice


Price.....$450

Fuck my life


One MCAT is to be taken Aug 21
PCAT taken October 17th
Other MCAT taken...not sure yet


this better work.

Well it's been a while since I've been on here. In truth I'm not bothered by it since everyone who reads this I speak to on a daily basis (save for some friends who are far away)
To start off with good news. I've been taken off my Diabetes medicine. I've been exercising almost every other day and have been trying to eat right (key word trying ). I'd been feeling a little off the last six months since they had changed my medication. I'd been throwing up a lot to the point my mother was giving me the "you better not be knocked up" look. The Doctor told me my A1C was low enough to take me off it and I'm so happy I don't have to eat one more pill of it. My goal is to further take down my pill count so that I'm only taken birth control and no more liver pill.

Billy was here for a week to chill out and be here for Aidans birthday.  We had a blast from video games to Swimming in the frozen lake the moment the sun goes away (screw you evil day star!). We ate beef stroganoff and had Culvers ( my god my body just shut down after that ). Aidan and I had gone to get him as well as brought him back. Insane car rides I tell you.

We celebrated our 3 year anniversary. I went to Indy to stay with him 2 weeks before our official day but we celebrated early anyway. It didn't matter, to be honest the date doesn't matter, but it does help to have a general idea of when. We went out for dinner and a movie (my present to him) and had a wonderful night and morning at a bed and breakfast (his present) I enjoyed it immensely and loved the room. It was just adorable and the Victorian bath was amazing...if  a little small for us...ah well!

I've finally got my first corset client. It's a friend of mine but that;s okay. It's a start. I keep most of my stuff on my other LJ account. (part of the reason I barely post on here anymore)

I've noticed that I've steered away from the Elizabethan era in term of what I enjoy sewing. I find the Victorian era to be much more unique to me as well as better for my figure. I truly did despise those bodices that just made me feel like a non chocolate hoe hoe wrapped up in a dress. I love making corsets now and love how they make my back feel. I've recently joined up on the steampunk genre. I find it to be fascinating and can't wait to get my grant in.....4 months....and begin my costume for CostumeCon

I'm hoping to go to both GenCon with Billy and his brothers as well as Bristol this year with Aidan. Granted I lack funds to do either but it's never wrong to dream eh? I have some friends I want so much to see and hug, particularly Mike Chirstine, Heather, and a few others outside the duck like A,E, and others. I doubt I'll get to go, hell I can't even afford bus fair right now. But that;s what happens when you have a passion, any spare money you make goes right back into it.

I'm looking forward to being able to see Dollhouse when I can. I love Joss Whedon's things (sans Buffy because I thought it was pointless...if funny). Earlier this year I got into a show called Jeremiah and loved both seasons as well as enjoyed some movies I hadn't seen in a while and some I've only just learned about. The same thing goes for books....ah the joy of books....I missed being able to read for leasure.

As for school...well that's just too long to post here...but it's going well at least....MCAT/PCAT studying is tiring..but I can do it.


Peace all...and sleep well

UIC rejected me, only i found out it was because one of my classes never transfer properly, so I sent it in in hopes of getting into UIC. I really hope that I can get in. It would make med school and pharmacy school much easier to get in if I were at UIC when applying to their schools.

I'm starting a corset making journal, not a different one from this, I'll simple title them differently to help separate them from my normal posts. I have already learned a whole lot in just a few days, so lets hope this is a good trend.

Now, back to physics. Toodles.

I'm spending the week out in Indiana at Billy's parents, I usualy get put on horse duty as well as cooking duty (men who can't cook here I swear). I've gone to the horse faire here and got some sewing contacts for people who are willing to pay for Western outfits.

I've noticed that when I'm out here, I'm calmer. I feel more at peace particularly when I'm working around the horses, even though to be quite honest, they scare the shit out of me for being so big compared to me (this is a good thing to admit to). I feel like earning their trust helps me feel more in tune with other beings. I know this sounds like I've just injested shrooms of something, but it's honestly how I feel working out here.

I'm learning how to ride horses, and hope to start showing the one horse here called Copper. He;s handsome and pretty big. Not gonna lie, I'm petrified.

Cherry, their other horse is about to drop foal any day now. they keep saying that and she still has yet to drop.

Now, for a nap.

Peace.

In my case cash. I got paid 50 dollars for 14 + hours of work

roughly.......3.50 an hour for a non server job.

Can;t do a damn thing about it....

just to add to insult my pencil case is gone, and I don't know how I could have lost it....but knowing my stupid self....probably.

I'm also sick with something..probably the flu given it's been with me for over 2 weeks, I'm exhausted from my physics exam, and I feel like nothing I'm doing matters anymore.

I'm going to just go into my corner and cry right now.

Yet AGAIN. morons seem to think it okay to fucking unhire me after hiring me and making me bust my ass through training. Yep not even two weeks and they unhire me for the idiot who was fired. Apparently two of the managers did this without telling my aunt the third manager and gave him all the hours I was suppose to get....

Yep....I'm pissed

They are lucky that  like the food there....I was contemplating a grease fire....

So it's been over a month since I've written on here. I somehow doubt it's a huge deal since only 3 or 4 people read this. I don't mind. I prefer it that way. I guess life has just been hectic since school started. I've been feeling a little under the weather from a virus mom gave me and feeling a little drained for looking into med school information.

I feel drained, and in more than just a "I'm tired" sense. I guess I just feel like I've skipped from 20 to 80, not 21. I know I say it and I know that a lot of my friends roll their eyes at me and tell me I'm to young. I know that people keep telling me I should focus on the happy things in life, and I do, but sometimes the energy is sapped from me.

I'm doing well in my physics class. I have my first exam this coming thursday. I'm nervous but not horribly. I guess either way I'll know what to do whether I remember it all or not. I'm doing good in my music theory class as well as my anthro and soc. classes.

Currently curled up in a nice chair at Billy's. I needed this weekend with him. We've had the place all to ourselves and it's been a really nice weekend. I took him to Olive garden and had my first glass of wine. It wasn't too bad but definetley not on my list of things to rush and do again. I guess I really am just not a drinker.

We also went to see Coraline. I enjoyed it a lot. it was amusing and cute, while being dark and just my taste of weird.

I've got a job now. I work at Freddies, the pizza joint down the street from me. I hope all goes well with it. I really need this job.

Another block in the story. This always happens. I get some thought of idea and then it's just poof. oh well. one step at a time.

Take care, love you guys.